The First Step to A Long Journey

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Hi guys!

Only two days to go until I start editing Pandora’s Kiss!

This week has been less stressful compared to last week. Apart from a minor family blip things have gone pretty smoothly.

My younger brother turned 10 last Tuesday and me and my husband went to celebrate at with his father, stepmum, aunt, uncle and his cousins. He had a Star Wars cake which he tried to have two slices of. A boy of my own heart. Not that he got away with it.

This week has offered up a gateway to recovery. I have finally got a date for therapy after waiting just over a year to start. This has brought up all sorts of emotions from relief to anxiety. I know it’s normal to be anxious about sharing issues with a complete stranger, but it’s still a feeling that I find hard to deal with.

I’ve been thinking about my goals concerning what I’d like to achieve in therapy. I have a huge issue with being social with others. As a writer needs solitary to write that may come as no surprise, but it’s become harder to be around people. I find that I can’t think of things to say and so I become an observer rather than be included.

Another huge issue is attachment. I was treated very poorly by my mother who has always rated men over me. I was subject to abuse by her and one of the guys she fell in love with. It’s due to this that I get attached very easily to others, particularly women because of missing out on that basic as a child.

I’m hoping that at the end of it I will be able to be a lot more relaxed and talkative in social situations and that I won’t get attached as easily or give all of myself in relationships that don’t benefit me.

I will keep you posted on my progress as well as my editing.

Until next week,

Blaze

With thanks to Julia Caesar for the image via Unsplash.com

A Stressful Week

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Hi guys!

Only nine days to go before the big edit. Eek!

Although, with the the amount of stress I’ve been under this past week it’ll be a miracle if I start on time.

I’ve already had to take time out from writing Bloodlines because of my stress  levels being so high that I can’t concentrate properly. I’ve missed out on reaching 50K because of the lack of word count due to days missed.

But, all is not lost. I’ve got a good 20,000 words in hand. All that were written in this month if all else fails. That word count would never have existed otherwise if I hadn’t had a go at it. That’s the main thing, isn’t it? Having a go and having something to show for it.

I’ve also managed to submit a short story for a competition. Something that I didn’t think I’d be able to do ever. And I have to say that my tennis skills seem to be improving with each game. Although, my poor joints think otherwise.

If it keeps my stress levels down then it’s a small price to pay. Hopefully I should be back writing after the weekend is through. Until then, it’s back to journalling/doodling to pull me through the irritability.

Hope you are all well,

Blaze

With thanks to Milada Vigerova for the image via Unsplash.com

A Tribute

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Hi guys!

Sixteen days until the big edit! Eek!

What a rubbish week it’s been huh?

David Bowie has returned back to the stars while everyone, at least who I know, is listening to his music and remembering what he brought to the world. The comfort that he brought teenagers who were singled out for being different from their peers and shunned from society.

The very first song I heard him sing was Let’s Dance. I think I must have been eight or nine years old. It was playing on the radio in a cafe and even though it wasn’t on the TV I could visualise all of the colours emanating from the vibe.

The second song after that had been Heroes. I can’t recall how old I was but it’s a song that had been with me throughout my journey as a writer. It’s become a ritual to listen to it when I need motivation and confidence to write.

But if you were to tell me we were to lose another legendary man I’d have never believed it.

Four days after Bowie’s passing came the death of Alan Rickman. Our very own Severus Snape.

A lot of people have protested that he was so much more than a Potions professor and I agree. He had many great roles such as Hans Gruber in Die Hard, The Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood: Princes of Thieves and as Jamie in Truly, Madly, Deeply just to name a few.

Although those performances were noteworthy it wasn’t until I saw him take on the role of Snape that his talent shone through. I don’t think anybody could have played the part as well as he did.

Since Thursday I’ve read tributes from the cast and his friends in the industry and from what I read of their accounts he was a charismatic, unique and witty human being with a heart of gold.

The whole of the Harry Potter Fandom is mourning along with David Bowie’s fans. If I wasn’t already reeling from that loss I am reeling even more now.

‘How can you cry over someone you’ve never met?’ People have asked this week. My reply was that it’s not so much that I knew David or Alan but the fact that because of David’s music and Alan’s portrayal of Snape led me to know a part of myself that I would never have known existed. That’s what makes me sad in their passing. I will always remember that because of them, I found out things I would never have known.

That’s all for this week.

Until next time,

Blaze

With thanks to Greg Rakozy for the image via Unsplash.com.

I don’t know where I’m going from here,

but I know it won’t be boring.

After all this time?
Always.

😟

Writing To A Deadline

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Hi guys!

Twenty three days until the big edit starts! Eek!

Week One of JanuWriMo is over with and I am at twelve thousand words.

It hasn’t been easy working from an outline alone but I’m getting there. 🙂

I’m a by the seat of my pants kind of woman. Usually, I write the dialogue freehand in the form of a script before I start typing up the narrative on a computer. It gives me more freedom than an outline, I find.

It’s not just the outline I’ve found hard. My depression and anxiety has been on the rise this week after two weeks of respite. To end up in that black hole after some time away has been really difficult. I’ve tried distracting myself but the feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and useless just keep getting worse.

Here’s the opening paragraph to Bloodlines.  

Enjoy!

She stood at the bottom of the bed, her eyes lingering on the sleeping woman tucked up in her flowery duvet. The sight made her want to vomit. She’d seen it all before, of course. Women with great structured lives, happy children and some well-built hunk to share it all with. Her parents had tried to pull of the same act right under her nose. Well, they weren’t exactly parents. She had no ties to them biologically. Unlike her so called sister who was top of the shitheap. What did she care, anyhow? She was used to coming last. Not anymore. She was sick of it. The time had come to where she’d be recognised for her greatness. The woman under the quilt rolled onto her back. First, she’d start with her.

Hope you liked it,

Until next week,

Blaze

With thanks to Bino Storyteller for the image via Unsplash.com

Goals and New Projects

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Hi guys!

Here we are on day two of 2016!

Did you have a great new year? Me and my husband spent New Year’s Eve eating pizza, drinking WKD and playing monopoly. Pretty lame, huh? 😀

Well, we had a good time at least.

I spent New Year’s Day putting pen to paper for my new novel, Bloodlines. Bloodlines is going to be a crime thriller focusing on various characters but mainly Celia Morpeth, a criminal profiler who gets called to help with a haunting case with the Metropolitan Police are struggling to get their heads around. Mothers of all ages are being murdered and their children, all girls, are vanishing without a trace. As the story progresses it becomes clear that they are being used as sex slaves which stirs up some unwanted memories for Celia.

I wrote the prologue along with the first few parts and while this story is relatively new in the making it’s something that has been brewing away for a while. It’s currently at 3,075 words. I will be adding more tonight and all the way through until the end of January.

The novel is part and parcel of a challenge called JanUWriMo, brought to my attention by a writer’s group on Facebook.

JanUWriMo is just like NaNoWriMo only apart from the obvious. Instead of writing 50k in Novemeber you do it in January. The target is still 50k. Only this time it’s a lot harder as I have to start from nothing whereas I knew exactly where I was headed in November. 

Hard, but it’s not impossible.

My writing goals this year are;

– To have two short stories published
– To have Pandora’s Kiss professionally edited
– To attend a writer’s conference  

My personal goals are;

– To journal three times a week
– Make a note of things that I’m grateful for once a week
– To not be so negative or tough on myself on my bad days
– To take part in creative outlets (scrapbooking, colouring in etc) when I’m struggling
– To put all of myself into therapy when it starts

These might seem like a lot of things but spread them out over the year they’ll appear to be very minimal.

I will be documenting my progress as we go through 2016.

Let’s make it a good one!

Until next week,

Blaze

With thanks to Kazuend for the image via Unsplash.com