Recovery

As 1 in 4 of us will suffer from a mental related illness at some point in our lives it is something that needs talking about, hence why I’m writing this post.

As you might have read previous posts I suffer from depression and anxiety and have done since the age of eleven due to being physically, sexually, mentally and emotionally abused by my mother and her on/off boyfriend.

I went to my third assessment in a year for mental health as things hadn’t been improving even with therapy. The woman who I saw was lovely, though she seemed surprised that I’d mentioned my suspicions of having a Dependant Personality Disorder.

This might seem strange but to me it makes sense. I never had a loving mother which led to me being extremely attached to other women. Some being teachers at school, others being mums of my friends.

One woman who I became attached to was a lady who became my mentor who was assigned to help me build confidence and self esteem but that never really happened. I was quite distant with her at first. I wouldn’t talk and this had made her question what she was doing wrong. Not knowing my background it was only to be expected. She was only supposed to have me for a year but ended up having me for five until she and her husband and daughter moved to Australia when I was thirteen. We’re still in touch now and is now known to me as my semi adoptive mother.

The meeting went on for quite a while with me talking about everything  that had happened, what my days consist of,  energy levels and that kind of thing. The assessor agreed that I hadn’t transitioned into an adult and that I was still a child which is what can happen when a child isn’t nurtured properly. It was established by her that my depression wasn’t clinical as tablets didn’t work and if it had been that then theh would have had some effect.

I am waiting to hear whether I qualify for a diagnosis to see whether it is a Personality Disorder and if not I will be integreted into Primary Psychology. The assesor had her doubts about what could be done when counselling wasn’t useful but she said she’d talk it over and get back in touch.

I only hope that this is a road to recovery that is true. Being a child almost and longing for a mother is something that I don’t want for my future. I would love it if it were to happen but the chances of it now are non existant. It’s time to move on.

Blaze

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