Today I am going to share with you one of my experiences with mental illness.
This particular one happened Friday gone and was the worst one so far during my journey.
I’d missed my usual bus home which happens on occasion as any of you who rely on public transport can imagine. I didn’t think anything of it as usually I manage fine getting three buses instead of two but something about this time triggered something off.
I had my headphones in my ears, the music blaring in my ears and soon enough I was on my way, embarking on my second journey. I remember feeling really positive about my work and writing etc and then halfway after that my mood dipped.
Then while I was waiting for the third bus my mood returned to normal, nor happy or sad but just in between and sombre. I felt a bit uneasy about waiting in an open space where people who I didn’t know could do anything to me for twenty minutes but I managed to get through it with the help from my music.
Ten minutes into the third journey which would eventually lead me home my mood dipped again. I remember feeling like I’d done nothing wild and reckless in a while, then I visioned myself gerting a tattoo which eventually evolved into me self harming myself.
It makes me sick and shaky to write that on here but I want to make this post as honest as I possibly can. Nothing like that has occurred since I was about thirteen or fourteen where I had my first self harming session and made two large gashes on my arms. Thankfully there’s no scarring which had been my biggest fear at the time.
Some people don’t understand Mental Health. Some think you’re wackier than the Mad Hatter out of Alice and Wonderland and others will joke about it to make themselves feel better. Truth is, it’s due to neurons not working properly in someone with Mental Healths brain. The signals from the brain to the body get confused sometimes resulting on a person’s impulsiveness and therefore in no particular state to think about the consequence until much later when the damage has possibly been done.
Sorry if this triggers anybody.
Thanks for reading,