Splintered Glass *possible triggers*

image

Today I am going to share with you one of my experiences with mental illness.

This particular one happened Friday gone and was the worst one so far during my journey.

I’d missed my usual bus home which happens on occasion as any of you who rely on public transport can imagine. I didn’t think anything of it as usually I manage fine getting three buses instead of two but something about this time triggered something off.

I had my headphones in my ears, the music blaring in my ears and soon enough I was on my way, embarking on my second journey. I remember feeling really positive about my work and writing etc and then halfway after that my mood dipped.

Then while I was waiting for the third bus my mood returned to normal, nor happy or sad but just in between and sombre. I felt a bit uneasy about waiting in an open space where people who I didn’t know could do anything to me for twenty minutes but I managed to get through it with the help from my music.

Ten minutes into the third journey which would eventually lead me home my mood dipped again. I remember feeling like I’d done nothing wild and reckless in a while, then I visioned myself gerting a tattoo which eventually evolved into me self harming myself.

It makes me sick and shaky to write that on here but I want to make this post as honest as I possibly can. Nothing like that has occurred since I was about thirteen or fourteen where I had my first self harming session and made two large gashes on my arms. Thankfully there’s no scarring which had been my biggest fear at the time.

Some people don’t understand Mental Health. Some think you’re wackier than the Mad Hatter out of Alice and Wonderland and others will joke about it to make themselves feel better. Truth is, it’s due to neurons not working properly in someone with Mental Healths brain. The signals from the brain to the body get confused sometimes resulting on a person’s impulsiveness and therefore in no particular state to think about the consequence until much later when the damage has possibly been done.

Sorry if this triggers anybody.

Thanks for reading,

Blaze x

Problems Formatting The System

image

My mental health has disintegrated in the last couple of months and has led to me being on a waiting list for an assessment or evaluation by a professional. 

It’s been especially hard with cutting strings with certain members of family because of persisting issues to do with my traumatic past. It’s harder for my two young siblings as they are constantly wondering what’s going on and why we’re not talking. Of course, they are too young to know right now.

I’ve had loads of people tell me that I should be working or making some sort of contribution to the economy but it is incredibly difficult as I struggle to communicate with other people and have minute to minute mood swings which makes me aggressive or hysterical and even sometimes sucidal. Not great traits to be working with are they?

Many of you will be thinking to yourselves reading this that I am just making mountains out of molehills but I’m not. Sadly, no one can truly understand an illness unless they are going through it themselves.

If you know someone with a mental health issue then please do not tell that person to ‘cheer up’ or ‘snap out of it’. This will not cure the problem, it will only make them feel more isolated and alone then they already feel. Listen to what they are saying and never, ever judge. I know from personal experience what it’s like to be. Believe me though, nothing you will say will ever be bad enough to what they are already thinking about themselves. Please be thoughtful and open minded and learn to keep an eye out for each other.

Thanks for reading,

Blaze x