The Wings Of A Brittle Butterfly

In my first post I said that I was going to discuss mental health issues. There has been a lot of articles circulating in the media for quite some time now, that it needs to stop being a taboo subject and being feared of.

Frankie, from the Saturdays, talked about her episode of depression in Glamour magazine a few months ago and I remember thinking ‘Wow! Good on her.’ People should be talking more about how they feel in general instead of hiding it and putting on a brave face.

I’m just as guilty of this as the next person. I like to keep my issues to myself because of the fact that I’m not a big talker to start with and tend to bury what I’m feeling until I get to write in my journal, which sometimes annoys my fiance but only because he wants to know what’s going on inside my head.

You might have heard the that depression and anxiety go hand in hand, and it does. In the past I’ve suffered them both at seperate times during my teenage years. Depression struck at the age of twelve, which of course is hard to treat at such a young age because of hormones and puberty. due to being sexually abused and viciously bullied at school and at home.

At the time I didn’t realise what was going on inside my head, in your teens you don’t do you? You just go with what you feel, and I did. The depression heightened further when a good friend of mine moved away to Austrailia before I turned thirteen and then six months after that, having realised that what I’d endured was abuse, I spoke out.

Anxiety had found its way into the groove then sadly, it led be to a bout of self harm which fizzled out as quickly as it started and as the investigation into the accusation went on I began having panic attacks and hallucinations that I was going to be laughed at for being stupid.

It’s been like this for some time and now I’m having to draw all my strength that I have to fight depression and anxiety again. The anxiety is slowly ruining my ability to write as I question everything that I’m doing and constantly think that I’n not good enough to produce a work of art with my background. I know that it’s just my inner critic and I’m determined to prove her wrong.

Thanks for reading and I hope I didn’t bore you too much!

‘I am not my past, but I am my future.’


What is Fantasy, but a word neglected

Fantasy – (fan-tuh-zee) noun

1. Imagination especially when extravagant and unrestrained.

2. The forming of mental images, especially wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing.

3. A mental image, especially when unreal or fantastic; vision: a nightmare fantasy.

4. Psychol. An imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.

5. A hallucination.

6. A supposition based on no solid foundation; visionary idea; illusion: dreams of Utopias and similar fantasies.

7. Caprice; whim.

8. An ingenious or fanciful thought, design or invention.

Fantasy is often a topic that is frowned upon in real life, yet in books it is totally acceptable to portray characters with elements such as paranormal/ supernatural powers, divination, and so on. This in particular is what hooked me after I had a peripheral vision of my characters ‘disappearing.’

Fantasy is unlimited to a certain extent. There has been some absurd thoughts come to my mind about having flying animals dropping from thin air or mermaids lying on dry land eating fish out of the water. These things could be possible but they have to fit in with the whole plot and to make sense.

Over to you. What do you think about fantasy? How do you percept it and is it something you would love to write about at some point?

About Blank

Pen Name: Blaze Mckenna

Age: 23 years young (54 in mental years :S)

Favourite Things: Music, Stationary, A nice, warm bed, Mythology, Days out and Learning new things.

Favourite Books: The Time Traveller’s Wife by Audrey Niffeneger, The Runaway by Martina Cole, Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper also by Jodi Picoult, Harry Potter Series by J.K Rowling.

Favourite Bands: My Chemical Romance, Winter In Eden, Within Temptation, Evanescence, The Murder of my Sweet, Lady Antebellum, Coldplay, Kelly Clarkson, Kate Bush, David Bowie, Lady Gaga, Moby, Eminem, P!NK, The Saturdays, Katy Perry, Queen, Scissor Sisters, Porcelain Black.

If you’re still reading *waves*, nice to have you here!

About Me: I am a writer. My main genre is Fantasy but sometimes I go with what comes out of the ink, never from my head. I have been writing since I was 13/14 and haven’t stopped since. (Apart from eating, sleeping and that kind of thing). Right now I am aiming to finish my third draft of my novel but I have been struggling with anxiety/depression for some time and it has taken its toll on my creative ability.

Blog Contents: The main themes I will be concentrating on are as follows;

Fantasy – I will be relating to this through plots and situations that are included in my novel.

Mythology- It wouldn’t be mine otherwise without this topic. I’ll be focusing on Greek in particular as that’s my passion and to also turn all of what you know into something new.

Family – Because at the end of the day everybody has one and needs to be included.

Mental Health Issues – This is another issue I’m passionate about, being a sufferer myself it would be odd not to be. I’ll be writing about how it affects my life in general, some similarities with my characters and other bits of useful (I hope) information.

And if you’re really, really lucky, some excerpts of my writing. Time will tell whether this will happen though.

Blog Aim:

  • To provide insight into my day to day life.
  • To inform and arouse interest in fantasy.
  • To encourage people to discuss these topics freely.
  • To entertain all of you, my followers and make just one, if not all of you smile.

I’m going to bid you adieu as I’m probably babbling waaayyy too much now. Hope you have enjoyed reading, please feel free to follow and spread the word.

‘Happiness is just a teardrop away.’ Fairy Godmother

‘Damn! If only that were true.’ Blaze